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Joke of the Day
"*sings Hakuna Matata during your meltdown*"
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"What's the difference between a hippy and a hockey player? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods."
"What's truly horrifying is when my generation starts having children on purpose."
"Psychiatrist ""Tell me about your trust issues."" Me ""No"""
"Cop: Whatever you say will be held against you. Me: TEDDYBEARS Cop: Aww."
"Girl Logic: I'd like him a lot more if he ignored and liked me a little less."
"What's the best way to eat a thanksgiving vegetable? Pick her up out of the wheelchair"
"*Filling out application* Sex: ""no thanks"" Well maybe I should write yes... I really need this job. You know what? Yeah sure I'll take sex."
"Why American Names Are Like ""Jackson, Wilson, Markson..... Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davidson, Jemson, Johnson"" Because This Is The Easy Way For Mom To Remember Who Is Whose Son."
"I swallowed two pieces of string last night and this morning they came out of my ass tied together I shit you knot"