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Joke of the Day

"Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom."

"How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with ""A man once told me"" ."

"What do you call it when you said a redneck on fire? A firecracker"

"Ever since my wife's miscarriage she's been drinking a lot Which is ironic because thats how she got into this situation"

"I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on . . . I said,"" You're pulling my leg."""

"How many potatoes does it take to kill am Irishman? Zero."

"I once walked out of a movie because the actor's fake typing was so bad."

"OK it's like sure, I've MURDERED before. Big deal. Sue me. It's not like I'm a MURDERER or anything. I only do it socially."

"My butcher introduced me to his wife the other day... He brought her out and said, ""meet patty"""

"What did the robot say to the centipede? ""Stop being a centipede."" Get it, because the robot has no arms! Hahhahaha, gets me everytime."