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Joke of the Day

"My dad went to Vietnam He single-handedly shot and killed 32 north vietnamese. Next year we're going on vacation somewhere else. Edit: spelling"

"Figured out how to jailbreak my dog and now I'm running all the cool cat apps on him - watching him go nuts on a piece of string right now"

"Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it."

"What did the velociraptor say after his workout? I'm a little dino-sore."

"I don't understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there's so heavy."

"[Works when you say it]. The best part about having sex with 28 year olds is that there's 20 of them"

"I hate autocorrect... It turns my writing into a total duckfest."

"Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Orally."

"What insulator has the greatest electrical resistance? your mohm"

"I heard a Sean Connery film once got am R rating Because he said ""sit"" too many times Edit: shit didn't proofread the title, *an* not *am*"