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Joke of the Day

"My coffee shop in Tokyo hasn't had many customers in the last couple of months... It's ok now though, people are starting to drift in."

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"Had a job interview yesterday and was asked how much I was worth so I got up to leave. They ask me if there is a problem? Yes there is, I can't afford to live off that."
"When the girl working the counter says ""would you like fries with that?"" say..""are you calling me fat??"" then burst into tears. Free meal."
"Australians don't have sex. They mate."
"I hate it when you hold the door open for people And all they can say is, ""Oh fucking hell, I can see you having a shit!"""
"""Why aren't you wearing a coat?""""Coats are for pussies.""My mother asks too many questions."
"I need to polish up on my flirting skills... Hej kochanie, chcesz niektore pieprzy?"
"I once dated a girl who had 12 nipples. Sounds pretty crazy, dozentit?"
"Bouncer: ID please Me: I got socks for Christmas Bouncer: ...okay Me: and I'm genuinely happy about it Bouncer: so sorry come on in"
"Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong."