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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when you hold the door open for people And all they can say is, ""Oh fucking hell, I can see you having a shit!"""

"[Forest] GF: Oh god it's a bear! Me: *Stuffs socks down front of pants* GF: What are you doing? Me: Making myself look big Bear: Well hi"

"How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Penis. I mean, 1."

"How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?"

"A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win."

"My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!"

"There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell."

"How to sound authentically Irish when bewildered, befuddled, confounded, or just generally in a tizzy. Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked."

"Why did Steve Harvey announce Miss Colombia as the Miss Universe winner? Because he couldn't pronounce Miss Philippines."

"CONGRATULATIONS It has been 24 0 days since you last stepped in cat puke."