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Joke of the Day

"What did the feminist Jedi say to Darth Tyrannus? ""Check your Force privileges, Sith Lord!"""

"[in a normal speaking voice from top row of football stadium] Good luck today guys"

"My wife says we should spice up our sex life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Gray. First, she wants me to become a billionaire."

"""I'm sorry, sir, cash or credit only."" The rain sadly puts its check away. 21st century technology has not been kind to him."

"Q: Why did the hearing aid saleman give it up for a life of piracy? A: Because he only made a good buccaneer."

"Holy lord, that sneeze felt so good I feel like I just cheated. I even named it Stan to further delude myself. I'm such a bad girl!"

"I've decided to move to southern France... I've got nothing Toulouse."

"I asked my grandfather for sex advice. He said, ""Slow down, you're going too fast."""

"""This is NPR."" Yeah, we know. You just spent the past 4 minutes whispering the news over a jazz saxophone solo."

"12: Dad, if Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of god, didn't Mary have a little lamb? Me: And you came with a no return policy"