51073

Joke of the Day

"A lesbian couple asked me if I would like to make them parents. I never thought adoption could be so exciting."

"What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits."

"I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there's an 83% chance that my nephew just added ""Mother*ucker"" to his vocabulary."

"""Our new model works 40 percent of the time. Best one, yet. Congratulations, everyone."" - CEO of automatic paper towel dispenser company"

"IF JFK taught me one thing... The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car."

"the other day, I got into a car accident. A midget got out of the other car and said ""I'm not happy!"" I said ""Well, than which one are you?"""

"If you never include your body in your selfies, I am forced to assume that you don't have one. Carry on floating head selfie chick."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... lightly roasted for that full bodied flavor."

"The Queen is what she drinks... Royalty [ I hope this isn't a repost. I thought of it on my own]"

"I heard Hillary paid a touching tribute at the 9/11 memorial... ...she collapsed."