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Joke of the Day

"What does a black policeman says when he looks in the mirror GET DOWN ON THE GROUND"

"23% of traffic accidents involve cell phone use, but 77% do NOT involve cell phone use. Statistics don't lie. It's safer to use your phone."

"The recipe said ""prick with a fork,"" but enough about me."

"Last week I walked up to Wayne Rooney at the airport and said,""How about an autograph mate?"" ""Sure."" He replied. So I signed a photo print of myself and gave it to him."

"TIL I haven't actually been having conversations with my furniture... My toaster told me"

"Why couldn't Edward leave the Airport? Because he was Snowden..."

"Behind every great man... ...is a very surprised mother-in-law."

"After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off. ""You're self-employed you stupid bastard,"" I said."

"If God were a guitar chord, what would he be? Gsus"

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Also, tornados and the dark and everything."