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Joke of the Day

"There was a maniac in town earlier today threatening to splash passersby with acid. Thankfully, police managed to neutralise him."

"When you talk you repeat what you already know; but if you listen you often learn something new."

"I think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster."

"Him: *down on one knee* Will you marry me? Me: Nah, I'm good, but... (puts up hand up to high five) thanks for asking!"

"Glass... tastes like blood."

"A time traveler walks into a bar... The bartender says ""we don't serve time travelers here."" The time traveler looks at the bartender and says ""it's about time!"""

"How do you piss off a transgender? I'm sure the title will be enough to do it."

"I'm writing a movie about a woman who kills her husband by giving him poisoned Viagra. Calling it ""Die Hard""."

"Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet ? ""Why are we running so fast ?"" said one Because it says ""Tear along the dotted line"""

"Did you hear about the cannibal that went to the rock concert? He heard there was a Jimmy Buffet."