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Joke of the Day

"Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet ? ""Why are we running so fast ?"" said one Because it says ""Tear along the dotted line"""

"Nightclub bouncers find me so attractive that they ask me to stand next to them while they make everyone else go inside."

"My girlfriend keeps telling all her friends I'm racist.. typical lying Mexican."

"I call bullshit on red wine reducing fat. If there was any truth to that, I'd resemble a crack addict."

"Wife: ""I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"What is the best place to hide a dead body? On the second page of google."

"I don't have time to babysit ppl's feelings. Speak up. How I'm suppose to know what's wrong with you?"

"What do you call the boss hit by a shrink ray? Micromanagement!"

"most people don't realize that chickpeas only get $0.79 for every $1 a manpea makes"

"""Shoot it down."" ""But, Mr. Putin... it's clearly a sleigh... pulled by Reindeer."" ""Shoot. It. Down."""