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Joke of the Day

"Him: *down on one knee* Will you marry me? Me: Nah, I'm good, but... (puts up hand up to high five) thanks for asking!"

"The bartender says ""we don't serve particles that disrupt time flow!"" A tachyon particle walks into a bar......."

"I wanna get rid of this memory foam mattress, but it knows too much."

"A blind girl was giving me a handjob last night..... and said ""this is the biggest cock I've ever felt in my hand."" I said ""Nah you're just pulling my leg."""

"If you love somebody... Let them go. If they come back, no one wanted them."

"My friend tried to get me with bird puns today... I told him toucan play that game."

"""Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?"" I asked. She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything."

"Why did the French chef commit suicide? He lost the huile d'olive"

"before stairs there'd be someone on the second floor and people would ask ""how'd you get up there"" and they'd be like ""i don't know"""

"You know what they say about STD'S Sharing is caring"