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Joke of the Day

"[goes back in time to murder baby Hitler] wow long line of people here to kill him [goes back to murder myself] how is this line even longer"

"How you heard about the new bad breath removal strategy? They call it the tic-tac tactic."

"What's a pirates favorite material? ~~Arrrgyle~~*YARRRN!*^Thanks ^Bravesurf"

"Donald Trump and his followers are buying Macs So they don't have to be PC anymore. *Ba dum tsst"

"I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty."

"why did the possum cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken."

"Capitalization... It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"What do you call a cheese that's not yours? My cheese!"

"Of course I swallow it's a basic function of eating. What kind of job interview is this anyway and why are there multiple cameras"

"i just foumd out that humpty dumpty is suposed to be an egg. nowhere in the humpty dumpty poem does it say that humpty dumpty is a egg"