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Joke of the Day

"summer is real cute until every frickin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell"

"I think I just had my first orgasm? I was shaking and my legs were shaking and everything. Then I just realized that wasn't a orgasm, ""THAT WAS A EARTHQUAKE!"" :'("

"Have any you ever tried to throw out a garbage can ? I leave it on the curb everyday, and its always there when I get back from work."

"I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness... It came out of the green."

"Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over? HE'S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES"

"""Ok J Lo, we have a movie for you."" ""Is the male lead obsessed with me?"" ""Yes."" ""I'll do it."""

"How can you tell if someone has a Jamaican accent? They roll their J's."

"The first year I didn't eat Thanksgiving leftovers on the day after. I quit cold turkey."

"I like my slaves how I like my coffee. Free."

"Today a feminist asked me how I view lesbians. Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."