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Joke of the Day

"If your New Year's resolution involves less drinking or cursing, it involves less of me."

"My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'. I said: May divorce be with you..."

"You know how racist make their pancakes? With white powder."

"Women say men get turned on when they nibble on their earlobes. I think it's bollocks. - Jimmy Carr"

"How To Be Cool A) Use cool sunglasses emoji. B)"

"The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter."

"The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar It was tense."

"I just saw an Asian chick with big boobs and a booty. I took a pic so if any of you have Mythbuster's email hit me up."

"[fakes allergic reaction at dinner] Me: I-I'm- [clutches chest & falls to floor] I'm gonna need you to pay for me"

"I thought my son would like that I bought him a trampoline, but oh no. He just wants to sit and cry in his wheelchair."