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Joke of the Day

"My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'. I said: May divorce be with you..."

"Star Wars Episode VII is like a used car lot. (spoilers) It's where you can see an old Hyundai"

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?"

"""These boobs are made for walking!"" -Inventor of FootBoobs."

"Hey cat, how's about I lick myself for hours then puke where you sleep? Don't answer that. Why do I even talk to you. Stop looking at me."

"[American Politics] Why do Republicans favor small government? To bitter fit in my uterus."

"Why did the chickens cross the border? Because they were Turkish."

"[turns up radio in the car] Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here"

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible car accident? He's all right now."

"Bring a Knife on a Date! When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."