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Joke of the Day

"I've been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants; Feefiphobia."

"Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises."

"Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one."

"I like my coffee how I like my women. Without some other guys dick in it."

"What do computers and air conditioners have in common? Neither work when you open windows."

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"What do you call a politician that can play brass? Donald trumpet"

"''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?'' asked the blonde. ''No'' said the brunette. ''Okay'' said the blonde ''you start.''"

"Why would you never starve to death in a desert? Because you'd probably die of dehydration first. While a human can only go about a week without water, it can go up to three weeks without food."

"""What?""- pothead owl"