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Joke of the Day

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th? *Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*"

"I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles."

"Everyone sings ""Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You"" to their selfies, right guys? Guys?..."

"Nurse: It's just a little prick.. Me: That's what my gf said! N: Ha M: Haha N: HAHA M: HAHAHA! N: You don't have a gf, do you? M: No."

"What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear? Thanks for the refill. "

"Why are men better cooks than women? Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months."

"How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him."

"Simple Math Problem How does one become a .666 Humorist? http://i.imgur.com/DVvbS15.png"

"My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten. I call it Shock and Awwww!'"