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Joke of the Day

"Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one."

"Babies who cry in a restaurant would rather be eating in a breastaurant."

"What's got two legs and bleeds? half a dog [Derek, s01e05]"

"United Kingdom More like... Divided Kingdom."

"Did you know that the Queen of England is a casual gamer? From what I hear, she mostly plays Nintendo games. So, would you call this proper use of the royal Wii?"

"What do you call a white athlete who wins a sprint vs black athletes? A racist. :) xxx"

"[For enemies] You know the difference between you and I? You came out of your mom. I came in her."

"Everything happens for a reason. The reason is a chaotic intersection of chance and the laws of physics."

"A penis walked into a private club. Thank God he was a member."

"Bruce Lee's favorite drink Wataaaaa!!!"