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Joke of the Day

"Some people need therapy. ... The rest of us just know how to conceal evidence"

"What's the difference between God and Trump? God doesn't think he's Donald Trump!"

"The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%"

"How do you sink a norwegian submarine? You knock on the door. How do you sink the same sub again? You knock on the door and they'll come out saying ""Haha! We're not falling for that one again!""."

"My wife told me to put the kids to sleep last night. She said it was too hard for her, but I've been waiting for those little shits to die since day 1."

"If you really think about it, Jewish people are actually pretty solid nah just kidding, they're all gas"

"Too ugly for the people I want. Too hot for the people who want me."

"The contestants on Jeopardy are always asking the stupidest questions. ""What is bronze?"" Read a book, you dummies."

"What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens? The Bawking Dead"

"If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building which would jump off first? The quarter because it has less sense (cents)."