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Joke of the Day

"If Donald Trump builds a 40 foot wall... The only thing he'll do is create a market for 41 foot ladders."

"50 years from now...""Remember that time we were fighting the riot police and the National Guard ..."" ""...and your mommy shows up and kicks your ASS?"""

"I think my wife is dead I mean, the sex is no different, but the dishes keep piling up"

"My ex-wife still misses me... ...but her aim is getting better!"

"Trampolines used to be called jumpolines Until your mom jumped on one back in 1972."

"*quietly tries to open bag of chips while fiance is reading her wedding vows*"

"My other calendar is a packet of birth control pills."

"What is white and goes up? A stupid snowflake"

"PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as ""late-term abortion."" Watch the GOP scramble to stop them."

"The only bright side to food poisoning is weighing yourself when it's over."