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Joke of the Day

"My sister's zodiac sign was cancer, which is really ironic to how she died She got squashed by a giant fucking crab"

"what did the serial killer spill to the victim i would tell you but id have to kill you"

"What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into her office wearing only cling wrap? I can clearly see you(')r(e) nuts."

"Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more."

"Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn't spent a lot of time around teenagers."

"Text response from a confused carcass: I decay."

"Why do audiophiles nerver loose a fight? Because they're lossless."

"I introduced my friend to my first wife. She said she was actually going to divorce me if I kept calling her that."

"I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want..."

"Your beer is like having sex in a canoe and living on a pacific island surrounded by rising sealevels... It`s too fucking close to water!"