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Joke of the Day

"Text response from a confused carcass: I decay."

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"Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today. Patron: Yes it does but it smells like soup."
"what am I? I'm owned by every man, though my length differs. Their wives use me after getting married Last Name"
"I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid. It was terrible. I didn't know how to react."
"What happens if you don't pay the priest who exorcises your house? He'll re-possess it"
"My grandma still doesn't need glasses... My grandma is over 80 years old and still doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle."
"Why did Wile E. Coyote have a ""Detour"" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff? To throw the Roadrunner off."
"I can't believe all of this violence and rioting is happening... ... all because Craig Ferguson is leaving his show."
"What is a neck beard's favorite country? M'Laysia"
"I think the closest I've come to playing romantic music at a girl's window is when I forgot to turn down ""Eye Of The Tiger"" at the drivethru"