82355

Joke of the Day

"Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples."

"My secret to sleeping is I put my bed outside When I go to bed I'm always out cold"

"Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? A: A mandate to govern."

"I haven't been this confused about what's going on since The Cranberries yodeled that one song about zombies."

"Why Heisenberg didn't have any kids the second he found the position he lost the momentum, when he got momentum he couldn't find the position."

"Did you hear about that mad cow disease? A cow to another: ""Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!"" The other cow: ""Good thing I'm a helicopter!"""

"What sign did the mother put up in her neighbourhood when she realized her child's IQ was below average? SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING"

"What did one end of the rope say to the other? We were bound to get together..."

"At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, ""Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"""

"If you can't handle me at my worst then I should probably pull myself together and be considerate of others."