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Joke of the Day

"Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples."

"Sex is like a game of cards. ....if you Dont have a good partner you better have a good hand!!!!"

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?"

"Change the last word of your favorite movie title to ""Impregnator"" e.g. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's **Impregnator** Transformers, Revenge of the **Impregnator**"

"Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off? A: Saves time."

"This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself."

"Penguins can't fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I don't have to clean penguin shit off my car."

"Whats the difference between a black person and a pizza. A pizza can feed a family of 4"

"Is it dangerous to swim on a full stomach? Yes. It's better to swim in water."

"Me: What's w/the ice pack? 12: I have a headache. Me: Do you think it's a good idea to play video games if you have a headache? 12: Yes."