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Joke of the Day

"Penguins can't fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I don't have to clean penguin shit off my car."

"I was in the living room and a book fell on my head. I've only got my shelf to blame."

"A kid got in trouble for masturbating in the coat room All he did was jacket"

"Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I speak no English."

"Why do people call memes ""dank""? Because they release dopameme!"

"Her: Something's changed in here. Me: I put a new bulb in. Her: Well it's not very bright Bulb: Okay wow I'm like right here."

"Superman graffitis a wall: ""Batman is a moron"" Batman writes under that, ""Superman is Clark Kent""."

"My wife is angry because I brought home a B.L.T. instead of a roast beef sandwich. Oops, wrong sub."

"To all the ""I'm moving to Canada"" people out there, you're being ridiculous. You won't be far enough to escape the nuclear fallout. Shoot for New Zealand or Australia."

"Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was an oar deal!"