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Joke of the Day

"A german tourist. A german tourist arrives at Warsaw airport. The immigration office asks: 'Occupation?''. The german responds: 'No, just holiday''"

"I took a girl with microcephaly out on a date... I was hoping to get a little head."

"What happens when you sprinkle feathers on molasses and sell it? Treacle down economics."

"I took my BMW to the mechanic today after a strange light came on. I asked him what it was, as I've never seen it before. Apparently it was called an indicator, does anyone know what it's for?"

"If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a person, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen."

"I'd rather watch a 3D video of my conception than watch one episode of The Real Housewives."

"What can you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him on a drag! What do you call said dog? Doesn't matter... he's not coming anyway."

"If I were a woman I'd probably use tampons because it seems like it would be hard to stuff a maxi pad all the way up there."

"Did you hear about the tennis star who hit his wife? Apparently it was a backhand."

"Note to self: I am a note"