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Joke of the Day

"When can you tell your waitress is having a bad day? When she has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil."

"When I hear ""This call is being monitored for quality assurance"" I think ""Cool, let's see how bad this person wants their job."""

"This one time, a guy duped me... ... but the joke was on him because then he had to deal with two of me."

"Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle? When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection."

"Why do scuba-divers go in backwards? Because if they went forward they'd fall in the boat."

"What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day? St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish."

"Let's give it up for grandmas who get offended and scared when they hear the word penis, but have like 12 kids."

"i microwaved an apple to see what would happen but nothing happend and now i just have a really warm apple i don't know what i was expecting"

"What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"Why is it that when kids touch themselves, it's ""perfectly natural""... but when I do it, I'm a ""pedophile""?"