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Joke of the Day

"i microwaved an apple to see what would happen but nothing happend and now i just have a really warm apple i don't know what i was expecting"

"""No, no. No! NO!"" - guy who invented black ski masks after people started using them for robbing"

"It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose."

"Donald has written a lot of books about business, but there's an interesting characteristic they all share... They all seem to end at Chapter 11. Credit (to my dismay): HRC"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? But then the kid woke up."

"Why is sonic the answer to every google search? Because he shows up the fastest."

"What do you call a cowboy with erectile dysfunction? Clint Southwood"

"I started bleeding out of my ear yesterday.... I think I'm on my HEARiod"

"""Friends are a dime a dozen."" *pulls out a sack full of dimes* ""Sweet, I'll take 32 dozen friends please."""

"Isn't it annoying when someone sits next to you in an empty cinema? I didn't think so but that's what my new best friend is telling security"