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Joke of the Day

"Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle? When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection."

"Only thing I Iike about kids, is their ability to attract ice cream trucks"

"Did you hear about the latest innovation in french tanks? Rear view mirrors so they can see the battles going on."

"My dog hunted down and killed a lizard today... You could say it was his hunting inskinkt."

"I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; ""what is something commonly found in cells?"" Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer"

"It is very wrong to ask a woman how much she weighs. (xpost from r/showerthoughts) Weight depends on the gravitational force of the planet you are on. You should ask her how massive she is."

"I'm not saying pregnant woman aren't attractive I'm just saying, It'd feel weird giving some random unborn child dimples."

"Why did a girl leave his boyfriend for a mushroom? because he wasn't a fungi!"

"In 1979, a call coming from inside the house was a reason for terror. In 2014, it means one of you is too lazy to shout or come downstairs."

"I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white. Surely we don't need that many guards."