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Joke of the Day
"Drew Barrymore is so hot. That's why E.T. is one of my favorite movies."
Next Joke
"ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting."
"Co-worker: Face up or face down? Me: Um. What? Cw: The fax machine? Documents face up or down? Me: I'm not mature enough to answer that."
"Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours"
"My favourite 6,835"
"What's Bill Cosby's favorite cheese? Camembert."
"He died doing what he loved, my now ex-wife"
"How does a mom in West Virginia know her daughter is on her period? Her son's dick taste weird"
"This DLC is getting out of hand... The DVLA want me to pay 60 to add three points to my driving license, because I beat my high score!"
"Why doesn't the United States have to worry about a North Korean nuclear missile attack? we have the Iron Giant"