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Joke of the Day

"ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting."

"Leather jackets are great for sneaking up on people. They're made of hide."

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... However, you can certainly stand there until it gets thirsty."

"*goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER ""WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"""

"[Weather Channel Secret Memo] To technical crews: If blizzard doesn't reach predicted intensity, shoot all exteriors through snow-globes."

"Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors? To see the battle."

"I went for a job interview in a Art Gallery today, but the interviewers seemed to hate everything about me. I didn't really paint a good picture of myself."

"It's now apparently politically incorrect to say ""Black paint"" Now you have to say ""Tyrone can you please go paint the fence?""."

"Don't break anyone's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206."

"Maybe I'll starting bringing a spray bottle and treat them like misbehaving cats. ""NO!"" *Shoots person in face*"