81337

Joke of the Day

"I don't understand the big hubbub about missing divers. They're probably just underwater."

"*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*"

"I'm starting to think my neighbor is a drug dealer... for one, he has like 10 cellphones... and secondly, he sells me drugs like everyday."

"How many people with Alzheimer's did it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side."

"What would a pig name a chain of food stores? ""Stop ""N Slop Markets"""

"A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel sticking out his crotch. 'Does that not hurt?' asks the bartender. To which the pirate replies: 'Yaarr, it's driving me nuts!'"

"After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs. If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me."

"Yesterday, I was told to ""check your privilege."" I did. It's still there."

"ME: [at a party] hey! wanna come back to my place and- GIRL: hook up? sure! ME: [sadly putting away two Yu-Gi-Oh! decks] oh. awesome"

"Breaking Bad is a horrible influence, making terrible things seem cool. Next thing you know, kids will want to start using flip phones."