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Joke of the Day

"[Date] Me: tell me about yourself Her: I'm really vegan Me: oh no Her: and I have a kid Me: oh no Her: his name is Kale Me: ohhh noo"

"I like my coffee, like I like my women... I don't like women."

"I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live."

"What's the quickest way to get to the airport? Terminal Velocity. [:D](http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true)"

"Did you hear of the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

"The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant"

"What's another name for floor pie? 3."

"You texted ""SORRY"" followed by six ""!""s, and seven was the minimum I was looking for so... apology not accepted"

"I know this is a long shot, but any super-attractive men and women out there also self-confessed ""nerds?"""

"Have you heard about the all-lesbian construction crew? well, they don't use studs; it's all tongue & groove :)"