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Joke of the Day

"The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant"

"Christmas these days is a lot like having sex the build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending all that money."

"I saw some crippled kid getting picked on the other day... He got kinda upset with me when I told him to stand up for himself."

"1900: Let's filter coffee. 1950: We need to filter cigarettes. 1970: We should really filter water. 2015: I want to filter my face."

"People are like snowflakes: I can't talk to them."

"""I'll drink to that."" -me to my next drink"

"[in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. righty-tighty, lefty-loosey her: what? me: what?"

"Behind every successful woman is a Man who let her down."

"What does a memelord put on his sandwich? L-mayo"

"Where are average people made? The satisfactory"