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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when my kid says, ""But mom, it was an accident!"" Yeah? Well so were you, but I still have to take responsibility for you..."

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions."

"What rings twice and screams once? Ray Charles answering the iron"

"What did Gimli say when his wife wasn't in the mood for sex? ""You're going to have to toss me"""

"Sure, the BMW symbol kind of looks like a sphincter, but I could already tell by the way you were driving."

"I know it's sick... But I'm curious about what bulimics do in the toilet."

"70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots."

"Magic is like breast implants... ...we all know its fake, but when done well, can give you a feeling of true wonder"

"Accidentally left creatine out on the counter overnight and there's a bigass 3"" tall ant in my kitchen calling me bro now... scared to go in"

"I came across Jenny's number! 867-5309"