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Joke of the Day

"Movember just reminds me that i inherited the inability to grow proper facial hair from my father... why couldn't i be more like my mom?"

"Yesterday a bird crashed into my window... ..of course that's what I was willing it to do, so everything worked out great."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? It doesn't cost $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"Its best to put your phone on some rice when its wet Asian people will come at night and fix it"

"Mom, am I ugly? ""I told you not to call me mom in front of people"""

"Trump: ""I'll win the latino vote"""

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks today."

"What has hands but can't clap? Stephen Hawking"

"What does a nosey pepper do? He's Jalapeno business"

"How many non-compliant Germans does it take to change a light bulb? Nein!"