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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? It doesn't cost $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"If you're drinking a Starbucks coffee while complaining about paying $4.20 a gallon for gas, you should have your license revoked."

"Guys at work are always like ""why are your shorts so short?"" Then I spin kick an inch away from their face with such precision and they know"

"I must be fucking great in the sack Every girl I've ever had sex with has told me she wishes it had been longer!"

"6, holding a pic of me pregnant with him, ""Why are you SO FAT?"" Me, ""You're inside my tummy."" 6, ""That's DISGUSTING."" Me, ""It gets worse.."""

"What do a hippie-chick and a hockey player have in common? Both don't shower until after 3 periods."

"""My girlfriend is a feminist"", I explained to my grandfather ""Well, heck son - nothing wrong with a feminine woman"" he replied."

"Words cannot describe how cute you are. But numbers can, 3/10."

"Why is Kylo Ren so lonely all the time? He's Ben Solo his whole life"

"A Briton is on vacation in Germany. The man walks into a bar. Dies."