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Joke of the Day

"I'll have a Venti Vodka please."

"Why are quantum physicists bad lovers? When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. When they find the momentum, they can't find the position."

"I was going to commit seppuku the other day. But I didn't have the guts to go through with it."

"I was going to yell ""Surprise!"" but missed the opportunity, now I'm stuck standing behind a curtain wondering when this becomes stalking."

"What do you call a black and white bird that can't win, nor fly. A peng-lose."

"its cool that chameleons can blend in with their environment but at a certain points it's like just do u homie!!!"

"I couldn't figure out why someone was brushing their teeth out here at work, then it hit me... My wife always brushes after sucking cock too!"

"I met an obsessive-compulsive sodomite once. He was anal-retentive."

"Whats the difference between catholic priests and acne? One doesn't come on your face until your at least 13"

"*breaks into your house at night* *finds your bedroom* *blows on you til you wake up* HI I'M CHET CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A SECURITY SYSTEM?"