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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between having sex on two twin beds pushed together and Reganomics? You get fucked and fall through the cracks."

"What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved."

"Someone that knows three languages is multilingual. Someone that knows two languages is bilingual. So what do you call someone that only knows one language? An American."

"My girlfriend laughed at me for having an existential crisis at 17. Jokes on her. She doesn't even exist!"

"A priest, a child molester, and an alcoholic, walk into a bar. And that's just the first guy."

"Whales in a bar Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, ""OUUHHHHWAHHHHHHH OUHHHHHHH AHHHH"" and the second one replies, ""Shut up Steve, you're drunk!"""

"When life gives you lemons, Instagram photos of them and add #Lemons, #LemonSwag, and #UJealous."

"How long does it take for a Jew to get 100 meters far? It depends on the wind strength."

"How is it that rice originated from China to become a staple food for a large part of the world's human population? I mean, come on! They couldn't even pronounce it."

"Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby."