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Joke of the Day

"Whales in a bar Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, ""OUUHHHHWAHHHHHHH OUHHHHHHH AHHHH"" and the second one replies, ""Shut up Steve, you're drunk!"""

"I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat."

"Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two."

"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat. Sorry!"

"What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you weren't so fresh we wouldn't be in this jam."

"My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven't even seen me in bed yet."

"What's a cheerleader's favorite fruit? (Popsicle stick caliber) Pom-Pomegranate"

"Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch."

"Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job."

"Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned. I started showing more interest in one of my investments. It appreciated it."