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Joke of the Day

"Someone that knows three languages is multilingual. Someone that knows two languages is bilingual. So what do you call someone that only knows one language? An American."

"If ""six degrees"" is true, somebody tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell Scarlett Johansson I said ""Hi."""

"Lady offered me a piece of chickpea loaf. Hit it out of her hand because that's what cake would have wanted."

"The average American male has a 5"" penis, but the average American male says he has 7"". Brendan would say that is the same thing... perfect."

"Wives are like boats. Happy the day you get one. Happier the day you get rid of it."

"""If you break up with me, I will beach myself."" -dramatic whale"

"Some days I think Forrest had the right idea when he dropped everything and just kept running."

"Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped? Demeter wasn't working."

"Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes? Because they take everything literally."

"Today, a hobo called me a beautiful princess, but he pronounced it ""I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGE, YOU STUPID CRACKER BITCH!""."