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Joke of the Day

"son I heard u praying for grandma. look that's nice *clears throat* but daddy's tweets need prayers too. im in a RT dry spell right now, son"

"Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am."

"Why does no one own an Xbox in Pennsylvania? Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!"

"How did the dog make anti-freeze? He stole her blanket."

"Don't blame me. You're the one following a 32 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters."

"Every time i hear a mean joke about canadians, i go to the hospital right away and get my feelings checked. ...For free..."

"Out of all the children's stories, Goldilocks is the most ridiculous. How's someone just gonna fall asleep while committing a felony? smh"

"Historic moments in rap. Jay W [username taken] Jay X [username taken] Jay Y [username taken] Jay Z"

"Wal-Mart Why are there no Wal-Marts in the middle east? A: Because there are too many Targets"

"Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!"