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Joke of the Day

"Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am."

"Is your cat getting enough Chinese food? The answer may surprise you. Mews at 11. NEWS. I said ""news"". Just like a typing human would. What."

"The best revenge is living well, so I really need to know what the second best revenge is."

"""Why do Jews hate sex?"" ""Because the pussy is too close to the gas chamber."" Cody Edwards"

"What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis? Daeshcams"

"Getting married next week I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter."

"Did you see the awful story about a triple amputee dog the other day? Poor pup. They said he was on his last leg."

"Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn't have any pictures of me either."

"Q:Why did hitler kill himself after he lost to russia? A:His whole world came Kremlin down"

"When you catch your dog eating a dictionary what should you do? Take the words right out of his mouth."