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Joke of the Day

"Did you see that? That's the third time she came over here. I think she likes me. ""This is Applebee's and she is our waitress"""

"*5 puts on shoes* Me: they're on the wrong feet. 5: but I can't... Me: can't..? 5 I don't have any more feet to put them on. Me: touche"

"What's the difference between a Greyhound bus station and a lobster with tits? One's a crusty bus station; the other is a busty crustacean."

"What do you call it when many people drown in Berlin? A killing Spree."

"build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"What do you call a deer with a missing eye? I have no fucking eye deer."

"How is the iPhone 6 like /r/gonewild? They both give you tightness in the pants. I'll see myself out..."

"What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist? The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train."

"AOL was hacked yesterday so watch out for spam email that looks like it came from 1995."

"""Did you know Jesus was a carpenter?"" -every carpenter, 100 times a day."