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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist? The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train."

"A Roman walks into a bar... Holds up two fingers and asks for five drinks."

"For computer geeks. Less isn't more, less is more."

"Now that I have teenagers I understand why some animals eat their young."

"why does mommy cry when she cuts onions? ""she feels guilty cuz she stole them. see *lifts son onto lap* your mother likes to steal onions"""

"What is a Mexican's favorite bookstore? Borders"

"I keep waiting for my Cadbury Creme Eggs to hatch into Cadbury Creme Chickens, but no luck so far. And sitting on them certainly didn't help"

"*on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?"

"1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively"

"Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: ""I am a rock. I am an island"" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends"