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Joke of the Day

"Me: The new guy's a lumberjack? Boss: Yep Me: He seems nice... Boss: STOP Me: I'll bet he's good at... Boss: DONT Me: random axe of kindness"

"What do you find in the filing cabinets of a law firm? Organised crime."

"Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I'm not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know."

"If guns don't kill people; people kill people... Then toasters don't toast toast, toast toasts toast."

"Did you hear about the Candy Factory they opened on the East Coast? It closed after a month... they couldn't find any good wrappers."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. Its not like I have 2020 vision. Sad part is this joke is only good for another hour."

"How do you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on her curtains."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Banjo Barbie ...complete with straw hat and Earl Scruggs cassette"

"How many things do you need to change a lightbulb? 3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb"

"I was so touched last week when a shopkeeper handed my 3yo a donut without checking with me, that today I gave his teen a bag of heroin."