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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. Its not like I have 2020 vision. Sad part is this joke is only good for another hour."

"I have a lot of growing up to do... I realized this the other day... inside my fort."

"Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently."

"Hear about the constipated mathematician? Worked his logs out with a pencil."

"A moral compass is just a clock that isn't drunk enough."

"Despite being brought up as a catholic, I was never molested when I was younger... ...yeah, I was a pretty ugly child."

"I was just unfollowed by a guy with 10,349 tweets & 38 followers...I'm thinking that's the same guy at the park that talks to all the pigeons"

"When does a horse neigh? Whinny wants to!"

"Donald Trump is gonna be the next US President pretty HILLARYous, isn't it"

"My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license."