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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Candy Factory they opened on the East Coast? It closed after a month... they couldn't find any good wrappers."

"CAUGHT ON TAPE: Lint"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Bearded Barbie ...complete with tweezers"

"If a vegetarian eats vegetables... What does a humanitarian eat?"

"[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*"

"Walmart greeter smiled at me. Long story short, the weddings Friday. Everyone's invited. Except Harold. HE said I'd NEVER find true love."

"I went out with one woman who turned out to be an arsonist. I met her on match.com"

"What Do You Call a Terrible German Hot-dog Stand Owner? The Wurst Guy."

"(Misogynist Joke #4) - My girlfriend complains about how painful her period cramps are... I reminded her that's her fault for being a woman."

"My girlfriend was masturbating with a carrot in the back seat of my car I shouted, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""