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Joke of the Day

"Christians call it the Rapture. Chuck norris calls it cleaning his house."

"AWE YEAH,,, I just washed my dog with Axe body wash... He's gonna to get ALL DA B!TCHES"

"Roses are red, violets are blue. I am schizophrenic. I am too."

"Will I have an open casket at my funeral? Remains to be seen."

"I'm watching Olympic athletes run 1500m, while trying to figure out how I can make the Roomba drive 3m to the beer fridge for me."

"I just thought of this masterpiece... No. No, I didn't because nobody here is ever original."

"What are the worst three words you could hear when you're in the middle of some passionate love making? ""Honey, I'm home!"""

"Whats the problem with tainted money? It taint yours and it taint mine :D (Puns for the win? :D)"

"SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second"

"My coworker replaced her chair with an exercise ball to ""work her core."" I'm eating a giant chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. I win."