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Joke of the Day

"Will I have an open casket at my funeral? Remains to be seen."

"I love hillary Clinton so much. It makes me weak at the knees."

"My girlfriend caught me blow-drying my dick And apparently ""heating up her meal"" is the wrong answer."

"How does the blind man know when to stop wiping his arse? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you."

"Three tomatoes are walking down the street... A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, Ketchup!"

"I was driving earlier and a guy pulled out right in front of me... Those idiots could have caused a crash!"

"Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot"

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 Aye matey."

"Today I got told I am condescending....... That means I talk down to people"

"Wrote this while waiting for a burrito in 2009 What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony? One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it."