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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don't understand what a flash mob actually is."

"Nostalgic grandpa A grandfather to his grandson: when i was you age id grab $5 and get groceries for the entire week. The grandson: We can't do that now grandpa..they have cameras installed."

"Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor."

"What does a bee get at McDonalds ? A humburger !"

"My wife is all, ""we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences,"" until it comes to a prison sentence."

"I witnessed a murder in the park last night and called 911 They told me to stop calling and leave the crows alone."

"How do you take a screenshot of a picture of a circumcision? Using the snipping tool"

"What if a side effect to laxatives was death? That'd be a shitty way to die."

"He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless. Never play poker against Mr Potato Head."